How it is now

[annavere]

I was gonna hide this post entirely. Then I decided I'll just hide it with a cut tag, since it's about my emotional state, as regards tv, and that way it can be skipped as needed.

So I had known about the end of Clara Oswald's story for years, I knew what 'Face the Raven' would consist of (more or less), and finally reached it this evening. Part of me was dreading it, as I loved Clara and her relationship with Twelve, and as I wondered how I would fare.

But I had no reaction whatsoever to Danny's demise in the previous season and so I also wondered if maybe I was just going to be permanently numbed. "It's a bullshit television show, what the fuck do they know?" kind of thing.

Well, I cried.

And now I am thinking of all my most favorite shows, and realizing every one of them is going to be like this, because they are all about grief and the human condition. It's the kind of thoughtful storytelling I have always gravitated to, through the lens of impossible concepts and now I'm thinking about Tessa, Tara, Fred. The entire concept of the Red Forest. I'm wondering if I'll lose it when Allison Argent dies, let alone how I will ever be able to sit through 'The Body.'

I'm wondering if watching these stories will only bring pain, or if they'll tell me things I need to hear.

Comments

[senmut]

I empathize with where you are now.

[annavere]

Thank you. It means a lot.

[hafital]

sending you hugs! The Clara Oswald story kicked my ass too.

[annavere]

Ah, thank you. ❤️

It's definitely an intense bit of storytelling. Clara appears to be a polarizing character in the fandom but I fall squarely in the "love her" camp.

[havocthecat]

Sometimes we process our feelings through the lens of media. It might not be the media hitting you while you're down. Maybe the media is helping you work through all those terrible feelings for these terrible events you've gone through?

Like. There's a reason I refuse to watch Logan. I don't need to do more processing about dying protective father figures or dying father figures with Alzheimer's. That's my own fucking personal hell.

Though in The Eternals, Athena's magic space Alzheimer's doesn't hit quite so close to home and it's hard, but it's doable. It helps, in its own weird way. (Even if I also think it's kind of a tacky plotline. )

[annavere]

When I had Hulu, I decided to try Only Murders in the Building, and noped the fuck out of it in the opening scene, which was a long, cringy "joke" about a man oversharing the details of watching his father die of ALS. Since that is what killed my father, I hit the back button in record time.

And there are definitely stories that just aren't worth unpacking, no matter how much acclaim they get, so I understand about not watching Logan. I watched Six Feet Under before I had lost anyone, and nothing would induce me to go near it again because there is no way that would help.

I think I became so drawn to sci-fi and fantasy stories over the last ten years because they (usually) don't cut quite so close to the bone. I did watch the next episode in the Grief for Clara trilogy yesterday and it did wreck me, but it didn't make me feel worse, if that makes sense.