Finished Bee Speaker
Dec. 30th, 2025 01:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyI believe the theme of this book is "the road to hell" with a side order of "best laid plans". ( To be fair... )
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SquidgeWorld - Back Up
Dec. 30th, 2025 07:57 pmsquidgestatusAs of right now, 11:53am on Tuesday, December 30th, 2025 SquidgeWorld Archive is back up and running! If you see any oddities, please don't hesitate to let us know.
For transparency, here's basically what happened:
We should be good to go from here on out. This does make a redeployment of SqWA a higher priority. We're in the beginning stages of this. More information will come about when we're ready to go.
For transparency, here's basically what happened:
- The server had a hard disk corruption that had to be corrected
- Corrections were made, but there was an internal database that contained further corruption. The internal database was replaced with a backup so that the "redis" server (software that is required for SqWA to run) would come back up as well
- With all corruption errors addressed, the system processed the data chunks like it normally does when it comes up.
We should be good to go from here on out. This does make a redeployment of SqWA a higher priority. We're in the beginning stages of this. More information will come about when we're ready to go.
Yuletide Recs, Part II
Dec. 30th, 2025 11:49 amrachelmanija posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
yuletideA set of recs with commentary at my DW, sorted by whether or not you need to know canon. For most of these, you don't.
The canons are "17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future" - Jon Bois, House of Hollow - Krystal Sutherland, James Hoffman's Coffee Videos (Web Series)/Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft/"A Study in Emerald," "Tower Wizard" - Bluesky, True Detective - season one, World War Z - Max Brooks.
The canons are "17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future" - Jon Bois, House of Hollow - Krystal Sutherland, James Hoffman's Coffee Videos (Web Series)/Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft/"A Study in Emerald," "Tower Wizard" - Bluesky, True Detective - season one, World War Z - Max Brooks.
6 Yuletide recs
Dec. 30th, 2025 08:52 pmturlough posting in yuletideRecs for Cherryh: Finisterre, Brother Cadfael, Lord Peter Wimsey, and Yes, Minister in my journal
(no subject)
Dec. 30th, 2025 02:49 pmthedarlingoneStreaming some Breath of the Wild! I just got my joycons working with my WiiU emulator so I can use motion controls now; I'm really excited about that.
Stealing a meme (with apologies for the length!)
Dec. 29th, 2025 10:50 amanghraineI've been happily chewing on TOS for the last, uh, several months over on Tumblr (still laughing at myself that all I needed to finally get fannishly obsessed with ST was watch the first season ever; even the first few episodes aired at all were really enough to ensnare me, though it was actually the distinctly flawed S3 that made me completely obsessed, while J and I are currently at S6 of TNG in our ST marathon of ultimate destiny, and it's been a ... messier experience, let's say #justicefordeannatroi). But I've wanted to post more over here and I was lured by a meme from shadaras (and now, several others on my f-list!).
Rules: How many letters of the alphabet have you used for starting a fic title? Use one fic per line. ‘A’ and 'The’ do not count for 'A' and 'T.' Post your score out of 26 at the end, along with your total fic count!
My rough rules for myself: fics posted (even as WIPs) got precedence over fics that I've titled but have only posted in scraps or not at all, and fics that represent some particular significance for me took precedence over those that might be better or more complete but not as prominent in my own mind (if none fit that, I generally favored complete over WIPs).
A - Anomaly
We won't talk about how long this meme has been in my drafts, lol, so I think most people I'd ordinarily tag have already done it. If you've gotten far enough to see this and haven't done it, though, consider yourself tagged!
shadaras (and now, several others on my f-list!).Rules: How many letters of the alphabet have you used for starting a fic title? Use one fic per line. ‘A’ and 'The’ do not count for 'A' and 'T.' Post your score out of 26 at the end, along with your total fic count!
My rough rules for myself: fics posted (even as WIPs) got precedence over fics that I've titled but have only posted in scraps or not at all, and fics that represent some particular significance for me took precedence over those that might be better or more complete but not as prominent in my own mind (if none fit that, I generally favored complete over WIPs).
A - Anomaly
- Austen: canon-compliant Darcy/Elizabeth fic about Darcy being demi/grey-ace (complete).
- Legend of Korra: AU in which the old theory that Amon/Noatak and Tarrlok were actually working together in S1 is (or rather, will be) true, but their pre-Amon backstory is the same; the fic is a one-shot about how that alliance could have been struck pre-S1 (complete).
- The Borgias: Modern USA AU in which they're not a crime family, just cutthroats in the publishing industry; the broader AU is abandoned, but I did finish the one-shot dealing with the fracturing relationship between wannabe novelist failson Juan Borgia and his overachieving twin sister Lucrezia (complete; there are some hints at the canon Cesare/Lucrezia incest, but it's mostly focused on Juan and Lucrezia).
- Star Wars: fic about relationships among the Skywalker women, though it only got to Shmi Skywalker and Beru Whitesun (WIP).
- Legend of Korra: AU ft. f!Tarrlok, but centered on Noatak/Amon and his relationship with his sister (the specific fic linked, dealing with their dynamic until Noatak's escape, is complete, but the series it belongs to is a WIP).
- Austen: m!Elizabeth/f!Darcy re-telling of P&P (complete).
- Tolkien (book only): Eldarion/OFC one-shot and canon-compliant sequel to LOTR, focused on the young Eldarion and his politically-motivated, but affectionate-turned-loving marriage to Faramir and Éowyn's younger daughter, who dies of old age long before he becomes king (complete; features an assortment of Fourth Age headcanons).
- Austen: brief, canon-compliant one-shot/P&P sequel about the first baby steps in the relationship between Elizabeth and Georgiana as sisters-in-law (complete).
- Star Wars: Rogue One AU in which Jyn and Cassian live and are together, but centered on the relationship between Leia and Cassian and the undercurrents involving their more or less shared language; it was an attempt to take the "Space Spanish" trope that at the time was applied without differentiation to almost any character played by/adjacent to a Latine actor, and make it fraught and messy rather than blandly eroticized and often rather racist (complete, one-shot within a wider WIP universe).
- Star Wars: the third of the main Lucy Skywalker fics (my long f!Luke AU), but the first to explore drastic long-term consequences; I felt it was pretty evident that Darth Vader's daughter would be a considerably harder sell than a son, given ... uh, everything about the OT Empire, so the immediate test from ESB is less urgent for Vader than capturing and turning her to the Dark Side before Palpatine writes her off altogether, and this is the fic about Lucy's captivity as experienced both by Lucy and Anakin, and the effects on both and their relationship (the fic is complete, the series is not).
- Legend of Korra: an Amorra (Amon/Korra) side-story in an AU in which Korra is the Avatar in the iceberg, but she's broken out by siblings Tarrlok and Noatak decades "late" (compared to Aang). Azula is Fire Lord at this point in addition to many other changes, but this one is just a small side-story about Korra and Noatak's romance after all three flee Yakone into the blizzard (this one-shot is complete, the larger fic very much is not).
- Austen: a P&P femslash Darcy/Elizabeth AU that is not the direct re-telling of P&P that First Impressions was going for, but considering what I think are likely consequences of the change in their actual social context, with the RL homophobia and gender roles etc etc (it also includes racebending, insofar as it doesn't assume the Fitzwilliams must be 100% white). Catherine Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet have barely met in person, though Elizabeth has already gotten an earful from Wickham, but it follows the initial changes following from Darcy's absence in Hertfordshire as well as their romance (WIP I'll actually continue).
- Star Wars: AU of Revenge of the Sith in which Anakin dies in the Battle of Coruscant, but persists as a Force-ghost still very much prone to attachment (as complete as it will ever be, if fairly ephemeral).
- Austen: technically canon-compliant prequel in which the common fanon that Darcy's father had an illegitimate child near in age to him is true, but the child is not Wickham; it's Mrs Gardiner, here an oblivious young girl visiting Pemberley (as she mentioned in P&P that she had previously) and having a chance encounter she doesn't fully understand with Mr Darcy's glamorous half-sister, who is fully aware of the connection (complete).
- Legend of Korra: the sequel to The Edge of Darkness, the f!Tarrlok & Noatak sibling drama fic above. Like the first, it focuses heavily on Noatak, now shifting into the Amon identity and projecting his sibling baggage onto his non-bending "brothers and sisters" he recruits as followers, only to be confronted with the reality of his actual sister he abandoned to their abusive father's mercies years earlier when she arrives in Republic City as the new, ambitious councilwoman representing the Northern Water Tribe (WIP that I'll definitely return to, halted after Amon captures Taraka and strips her bending).
- Star Wars: a Rogue One Jyn/Cassian AU in which Jyn, Cassian, and Bodhi escape Scarif (+ Jyn seizing Kaytoo's head) in their Imperial shuttle, with Cassian still very severely injured, only for the shuttle to get caught in the Death Star's tractor beam. Jyn exploits the Imperial paraphernalia and an established false identity of Cassian's as an Imperial captain, as well as his very real injuries, to pass herself off as an Imperial aide-de-camp desperately trying to escape the Rebel attack with the only people she managed to save. She's resourceful enough to squeak them past security in that guise, and Bodhi enough to disappear into the influx of stormtroopers brought onboard, while Cassian recovers enough to step into his own role, forcing all three to scrape by undercover on the Death Star and infiltrate actual Imperial social groups as the ANH plot plays out, including the destruction of Alderaan (WIP, though a long one with some major points of tension resolved; they've just reached Yavin 4).
- Star Wars: an old ROTJ sequel that aggressively rejects everything outside the PT and OT, particularly what I've always found the strange, underbaked treatment of Force Ghost!Anakin and Luke as an embodiment of PT Jedi dogmatism, but ended up having some odd similarities to the sequels—it ostensibly centers on Han and Leia's younger daughter, Padmé Organa, a steady young Jedi on good terms with her entire family, but the real ghost haunting the story is her difficult, brilliant, restless older sister Lyra, who has become increasingly more of a merciless, self-righteous zealot as a Jedi while also increasingly fixated on her Skywalker ancestry, alarming not only Padmé, her parents, and Luke, but also Anakin himself (complete in itself, though the larger universe it's part of never got anywhere near as filled out as I'd envisioned: news at eleven).
- Star Wars: also very old, an AU of Return of the Jedi inspired by some discarded earlier concepts like Luke's twin being a new character, a more gradual redemption for Anakin entangled with his evolving relationship with Luke, and Leia gathering and taking up leadership of the remaining Alderaanians, but also weaving in material from the PT even though it's of course drastically AU: Padmé still exists as Leia's mother, for instance, and her death was still pivotal for Anakin, but they were platonic best friends and she was reciprocally in love with Bail Organa (complete in an unresolved sense: I had planned a sequel that I never wrote and had some side fics I never finished, and a lot of the ideas for it actually got funneled into the Lucyverse later, but Revenge itself was meant to work on its own even if it doesn't wrap up the OT plot).
- Matchmaker: a canon-compliant one-shot about the initial friendship between Francesca Haughston (then Lady Francesca Fitzalan), her brother Dominic, and their much more prestigious and wealthy neighbor, Sinclair Lilles, the future Duke of Rochford (the friendship is a canon detail from Candace Camp's Matchmaker series of Regency romances). I believe this may be the only fic I've written where mine remains the sole fic for the fandom; the quartet has four romances, but the real attraction is the one that develops along its strange, winding route through the whole series and its backstory, the love story of Francesca and Rochford. We meet them as two hypercompetent 30-somethings: childhood friends turned youthful sweethearts turned estranged former betrotheds turned friends still transparently deeply in love as beautiful fashionista widow Francesca Haughston, who conceals her ongoing financial straits via "gifts" she receives from the grateful parents of youths she expertly shepherds and matchmakes for (she's the matchmaker of the title), and Sinclair now the discreet, virtuous, scholarly, and immeasurably reliable Duke of Rochford. Camp, unfortunately, rarely trusts in the strength of her own characters to carry the interest of the story rather than melodrama, which unfortunately infects the quartet finale centered on them, but there's still a deeply compelling quality about their dynamic that got me interested in imagining how it all began (complete).
- Eddings: a 2.7k canon-compliant one-shot sequel to the Belgariad/Malloreon (and my sole Yuletide fic) that's essentially a guided tour through the post-Malloreon world as seen by a later Angarak scholar traveling through Maragor etc, as she looks for proof of the historicity of canon figures like Garion, Polgara, Belgarath and so on, while it becomes increasingly clear that she has a deeper agenda for seeking them out (complete).
- Star Wars: this is another Lucyverse fic, a one-shot set early in The Imperial Menace (after the destruction of the Death Star), but really all about Rogue One and how their sacrifices fit into the psychological space of this AU and into the relationship between Lucy and Leia in particular. I actually waited to see Rogue One before I decided if I was going to try and accommodate it in the Lucyverse, but it was such an ideal OT prequel for me that I promptly decided HELL YEAH and vented my RO feelings here (complete).
- Tolkien: this is a 1.8k one-shot from one of my (multiple >_>) f!Faramir AUs, the one in which the Númenórean throwbacks of LOTR are all genderbent. In this one, Míriel (Faramir) discovers Boromir's death as a follow-up to an earlier one-shot centered on Aranor's (Aragorn's) grief after finding him dying. Míriel is, of course, no warrior and wouldn't be camped at night on the Anduin or any other body of water, but I still wanted to figure out a way for the mystical vision to occur and make sense as something carried via water, so instead had the idea of her vision of Númenor's destruction ft. Tar-Míriel being the appropriately watery conduit for the vision of Boromir's death (complete).
- Star Wars: unusually, this is a Tumblr link, because I have yet to figure out how to shift the older version to the revised version on AO3, but in any case, it goes to the last section of my Jyn/Cassian femslash AU (with links to the previous ones), ft. some Baze/Chirrut and Luke/Bodhi (the premise is that the entirety of the Rogue One main cast is queer in some way, ranging from lesbian Cassia to grey-ace gay Bodhi). Unusually for a multi-chapter loving genderbent fic of mine, it's complete!
- Star Trek: this requires more explanation (issuefic of ultimate destiny!), but the asterisk is there because it's not actually posted and I've only written the earliest section (though outlined a lot), so it's very much "in the works" and I wasn't sure it quite counted for the spirit of the meme. But: it was basically inspired by how deeply annoying I find the "how could you possibly think TOS Kirk is anything but (binary) transmasc lol top surgery" Tumblr/AO3 thing, when I think binary trans man is easily the least probable trans reading of a character who we're told was, at age 13, one of nine boys/men to survive and witness a genocide; who argues onscreen that gender difference isn't actually real, but who actively leans into pretty explicitly feminine roles and makes them work where he's viscerally repulsed by comparable masculine ones (e.g., his revulsion from the role of strong masculine ideal father-figure in "Charlie X" vs manufacturing motherhood in "The Changeling," Helen's coolly unsentimental sexy dude Lothario fantasy of him in "Dagger of the Mind" as a violation of the real Kirk vs his actively sultry, calculated Lauren Bacall-type femme fatale flirtations to escape trouble in too many episodes to count); and who literally ends up in a woman's body (played by a very good actress—the only actor to really capture Shatner's Kirk), proceeding to argue while in that body and deliberately dressed and made up in femme-androgynous style (for 1969) that everything that defines him as a unique individual can be contained in that body. Despite all this and copious evidence that the 23rd-century Federation hasn't progressed as far with bigotry around gender and sexuality as the show tries to suggest it has with other bigotries, transfem Kirk is vanishingly rare in the fandom and nb!Kirk of any kind is barely more common, even via the obviously available sci-fi tropes/mechanisms. But binary defined-exclusively-by-masculinity Kirk is everywhereeeee (including among the crowd who describe anything Kirk does around gender as "butch" including declaring himself a mom but seem like they'd crumble into dust before suggesting he could be transfem for real). ANYWAY, I decided to be the change I want to see rather than just complaining, and write the "Turnabout Intruder" AU of my dreams in which Kirk and Spock (who is very much the "I am not a man" Spock) do succeed in running away hand-in-hand, Kirk is navigating being stuck in the body of his abusive ex yet also mysteriously more comfortable with it in some ways (helped by promptly dying his hair, wearing contacts, and changing his make-up to cover their trail), the Kirk-Uhura brotp is front and center, and realizing Janice-as-Kirk may well have poisoned the well at Starfleet, Spock instead manages to surreptitiously reach out to the VSA about the bodyswap machine and get Kirk sanctuary on Vulcan in the interim (the AU assumes no convenient time-out on the effect with Kirk and Janice light-years apart; instead they just get some minor though intriguing-to-the-VSA effects on their DNA). The title, of course, is a reference to the deus ex machina trope, but also to the literal bodyswap machine that serves as a deus ex machina for both Kirk's and Janice's gender treks in their different ways despite all the fuckery involved (let's just say that Janice isn't waxing their chest any time soon while Kirk is basically "I'm whatever gender gets me the Enterprise back and couldn't care less what pronouns make it happen").
- Austen: this is an epistolary side-fic to First Impressions, my m!Elizabeth/f!Darcy retelling of P&P listed above, because my earliest phase of structuring First Impressions involved just writing the letters for that universe and I'd had an idea of actually finishing all the letters happening in the background as a separate fic (though entirely consistent with it). I never actually finished them, though I had fun enough with what's there, so it's a forever unfinished hiatus piece at 3k.
- BG3: this is the f/f/f/ fic I nicknamed "the worst OT3": cleric of Mystra!Tav/f!Gale/Mystra, inspired about equally by a wise post from my friend venndaai about how every BG3 companion would be a bit better if genderbent (goth priest m!Shadowheart, dashing Blade of Frontiers f!Wyll, etc) that hit especially hard for Gale (middle-aged ambitious lady wizard nerd with the allure and talent to attract Mystra herself and all the f/f drama there, a compelling mix of real kindness and little moral fiber, and a need to chew down magic boots to keep the world from exploding? <3) + the intrinsic hilarity of cleric of Mystra/Gale + the wildly suggestive way a cleric of Mystra can talk about Mystra herself in emphatic agreement with early Gale. The title is a pun on the cleric spell "zone of truth" because all three people involved (Larissa, Gaila, Mystra) have a strong habit of lies of omission that aren't exaaaactly false, but. This is one I've talked about and posted a few scraps for, but it's still far too primordial for AO3 or anything like that, so I wasn't sure about "counting" it.
We won't talk about how long this meme has been in my drafts, lol, so I think most people I'd ordinarily tag have already done it. If you've gotten far enough to see this and haven't done it, though, consider yourself tagged!
Tags:
- book: the belgariad,
- ch: anakin skywalker,
- ch: belgarath,
- ch: beru whitesun lars,
- ch: bodhi rook,
- ch: cassia andor,
- ch: cassian andor,
- ch: catherine darcy,
- ch: eldarion,
- ch: elizabeth bennet,
- ch: fitzwilliam darcy,
- ch: gaila dekarios,
- ch: gale dekarios,
- ch: georgiana darcy,
- ch: glóredhel daughter of faramir,
- ch: henry bennet,
- ch: james t kirk,
- ch: janice lester,
- ch: juan borgia,
- ch: jyn erso,
- ch: korra,
- ch: lady francesca fitzalan,
- ch: larissa,
- ch: leia organa,
- ch: lucrezia borgia,
- ch: lucy skywalker,
- ch: luke skywalker,
- ch: lyra organa,
- ch: m gardiner,
- ch: mystra,
- ch: míriel daughter of gwindor,
- ch: noatak,
- ch: padmé organa,
- ch: philadelphia carteret,
- ch: shmi skywalker,
- ch: sinclair lilles duke of rochford,
- ch: spock,
- ch: tar-míriel,
- ch: taraka,
- ch: tarrlok,
- ch: verata,
- fandom: austen,
- fandom: avatar,
- fandom: baldur's gate 3,
- fandom: eddings,
- fandom: matchmakers,
- fandom: middle-earth,
- fandom: star trek,
- fandom: star wars,
- fandom: the borgias,
- fic talk: anomaly,
- fic talk: bay area borgias,
- fic talk: daughters of númenor,
- fic talk: edge of darkness,
- fic talk: first impressions,
- fic talk: gaila,
- fic talk: love pride and delicacy,
- fic talk: lucy skywalker,
- fic talk: per ardua ad astra,
- fic talk: revenge of the jedi,
- fic talk: script au,
- fic talk: the gift of men,
- fic talk: the natural daughter,
- fic talk: the quality of mercy,
- fic talk: whatever we deny or embrace,
- fic: distaff lines,
- fic: land of the living,
- fic: the girl in the iceberg,
- gender,
- genre: alternate canon,
- genre: canon-compliant,
- genre: fic talk,
- genre: genderbending,
- genre: meme,
- meme prattle,
- person: bff,
- ship: darcy/elizabeth,
- ship: eldarion/glóredhel,
- ship: jyn/cassian,
- ship: korra/noatak,
- ship: mystra/larissa/gale,
- tv: avatar the legend of korra,
- tv: star trek the next generation,
- tv: star trek the original series,
- wank
Grandparents
Dec. 30th, 2025 01:23 pmconuly posting in agonyaunt1. Hello, Carolyn: My stepdaughter won’t allow me to see her children, 6 and 8. I bent over backward for 11 years trying to be supportive and generous to her and then her children, but she acts entitled and ungrateful. Last summer I blew it and told her off. That was the end of my loving relationship with her and the grandkids I adore.
I know it is largely my fault for not speaking up sooner on how I would like to be treated. My husband, a dear, won’t get involved in trying to repair the relationship. Of course, I have apologized to his daughter for being so harsh. Please help.
— Anonymous
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2. DEAR ABBY: My son died of cancer at 33. It was heartbreaking. My daughter-in-law, "Belinda," had grown distant before his death, and although they had a son through artificial insemination, I have almost never seen him. I helped with the weeding in my son's yard, but any time I came, Belinda always had the baby at the park or someplace else.
Now that my son is gone, she won't answer any phone calls or texts. We do have some contact with her family. They have asked her why she won't contact us, and she has no explanation. My theory is that Belinda was uncomfortable sharing our son, and it has transferred to the grandchildren. I say "grandchildren" because she used his sperm to have another child. We found out by accident that a baby girl was born. We were never notified. While I doubt this plays a big part in this, Belinda is bipolar.
As it stands, I no longer make an effort to have a relationship with my grandchildren. They are so young, and I anticipate difficulty in pursuing grandparents' rights because of their ages and their mother's attitude toward us. This is painful, as they are the only part of my son that remains. I feel helpless and have pretty much blocked out the fact that I have grandchildren. Do you have any advice? -- BLOCKED IN OHIO
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3. Dear Annie: My daughter, 31, left home at 19 to attend university. Within weeks, she began dating a boy she'd met through the school's Facebook group. Coming from our cultural background, we weren't comfortable with relationships outside marriage, but after two years, she moved in with him, mostly on her terms. They lived together for six years, bought a house, got a dog, eventually married and, two and a half years later, had my precious granddaughter.
My daughter has always dominated her marriage. Everything has to be on her terms. She's intelligent, determined and successful, but also bossy, pushy and demanding. Outwardly she can be sweet, but behind closed doors she often belittled her husband, and his laid-back nature just let her have her way.
About a year and a half ago, while I was babysitting, my daughter suddenly announced she no longer loved her husband and wanted to separate. I was shocked, but she bulldozed through the conversation and didn't let me say a word. Deep down, I was sure another man was involved. Within six months, the house was sold, assets divided and custody arranged, with little thought to the impact on their young daughter. My daughter was also left with the dog, which my son-in-law wanted no part of anymore.
It's been nearly a year since the split. My daughter appears to have a new partner, though she won't confirm it, only dropping hints to "familiarize" us with this new relationship, while her not-yet-ex-husband has turned to online dating. My granddaughter now splits time between them.
At her father's house, she still sees her other grandparents weekly. But with us, my daughter controls every visit and barely lets us into her life. We went from caring for our granddaughter regularly to limited contact with her and only when my daughter is present. She uses her daughter as leverage, essentially saying to us, "Accept my choices or lose contact."
Being around her feels like walking on eggshells. If I disagree, I'm met with silence, manipulation or explosive behavior. I cry every night, heartbroken over what feels like losing a limb. I feel for my son-in-law, who I believe was wronged, and I ache for my granddaughter, torn between two homes and two very different upbringings. Most of all, I am at a loss for how to move forward.
Deep down, my instincts tell me this new relationship won't last, but I don't know how to stand by my values and still hold on to my only grandchild. How can I stay in her life without surrendering completely to my daughter's demands? -- Heartbroken Grandmother
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4. Dear Prudence,
“Sean” is my son’s former stepson. He married Sean’s mom when Sean was 6, and the same year my granddaughter was born. They got divorced when Sean was 12. Sean is 15 now. My husband and I have bent over backwards trying to stay in touch with Sean after the divorce. We called, texted, and sent gifts. We live out of state, so seeing both our grandchildren is hard.
Sean rarely responds to any calls, and his mother will not even tell us if he likes the gifts we send him, let alone make him say thank you. My son just shrugs and says that is the nature of divorce, and we are setting ourselves up for failure.
This breaks our hearts because we did our best to embrace Sean as our grandchild. He is still in our will with our other grandchildren. My husband thinks that we should stop trying so hard and step back. Sean is old enough to be able to decide if he wants a relationship with us or not. It isn’t like his mom monitors his phone, and Sean is always “busy” when we visit. He thinks we need to rewrite our will and take Sean out. I understand going through another divorce is hard, but Sean has even cut off his cousins, and those boys were as thick as thieves. What should we do? Wait? Push? Stepback? The divorce was mutual, as far as we know.
—Sean Doesn’t Say
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5. Dear Care and Feeding,
I gave birth to a baby girl a few weeks ago, and my mom has been coming to help for a full day once a week. She’s wonderful with my newborn: She changes diapers like a pro, she is great at getting her to stop crying, and she is respectful of rules that were different from when she had her kids (like the fact that babies are supposed to sleep on their backs, without blankets and stuffed animals in the crib). It’s a dream grandparent setup, really! Except for one thing. My problem is what she brings with her every time she comes over.
Every time Grandma arrives, she’s toting a box of stuff from my childhood. When we first got home from the hospital, she brought toys from when I was a toddler. Last week, it was art from the 4th grade. This week, it was photo albums from when I was a baby, and a bunch of my baby blankets. When I suggested gently that the albums of baby photos would be better off remaining at her house, she said she’d think about it.
Well, an hour later, she said, “I thought about it, and I worry that if I don’t bring them here to you, you’ll never see them again.” Which to me sounded like a threat! But the next thing she said was, “You look so tired, go take a nap,” as she removed my screaming daughter from my arms. So it’s not like I was in a position to argue.
My mother is in good health and lives alone in the four-bedroom house she raised my brother and me in. We live in a very small home with comically limited closet space (thanks, housing crisis). I can’t keep up with all the stuff she brings over. But I very much want to stay on as good of terms as humanly possible with her. So what do I do?
—Boxed In
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I know it is largely my fault for not speaking up sooner on how I would like to be treated. My husband, a dear, won’t get involved in trying to repair the relationship. Of course, I have apologized to his daughter for being so harsh. Please help.
— Anonymous
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2. DEAR ABBY: My son died of cancer at 33. It was heartbreaking. My daughter-in-law, "Belinda," had grown distant before his death, and although they had a son through artificial insemination, I have almost never seen him. I helped with the weeding in my son's yard, but any time I came, Belinda always had the baby at the park or someplace else.
Now that my son is gone, she won't answer any phone calls or texts. We do have some contact with her family. They have asked her why she won't contact us, and she has no explanation. My theory is that Belinda was uncomfortable sharing our son, and it has transferred to the grandchildren. I say "grandchildren" because she used his sperm to have another child. We found out by accident that a baby girl was born. We were never notified. While I doubt this plays a big part in this, Belinda is bipolar.
As it stands, I no longer make an effort to have a relationship with my grandchildren. They are so young, and I anticipate difficulty in pursuing grandparents' rights because of their ages and their mother's attitude toward us. This is painful, as they are the only part of my son that remains. I feel helpless and have pretty much blocked out the fact that I have grandchildren. Do you have any advice? -- BLOCKED IN OHIO
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3. Dear Annie: My daughter, 31, left home at 19 to attend university. Within weeks, she began dating a boy she'd met through the school's Facebook group. Coming from our cultural background, we weren't comfortable with relationships outside marriage, but after two years, she moved in with him, mostly on her terms. They lived together for six years, bought a house, got a dog, eventually married and, two and a half years later, had my precious granddaughter.
My daughter has always dominated her marriage. Everything has to be on her terms. She's intelligent, determined and successful, but also bossy, pushy and demanding. Outwardly she can be sweet, but behind closed doors she often belittled her husband, and his laid-back nature just let her have her way.
About a year and a half ago, while I was babysitting, my daughter suddenly announced she no longer loved her husband and wanted to separate. I was shocked, but she bulldozed through the conversation and didn't let me say a word. Deep down, I was sure another man was involved. Within six months, the house was sold, assets divided and custody arranged, with little thought to the impact on their young daughter. My daughter was also left with the dog, which my son-in-law wanted no part of anymore.
It's been nearly a year since the split. My daughter appears to have a new partner, though she won't confirm it, only dropping hints to "familiarize" us with this new relationship, while her not-yet-ex-husband has turned to online dating. My granddaughter now splits time between them.
At her father's house, she still sees her other grandparents weekly. But with us, my daughter controls every visit and barely lets us into her life. We went from caring for our granddaughter regularly to limited contact with her and only when my daughter is present. She uses her daughter as leverage, essentially saying to us, "Accept my choices or lose contact."
Being around her feels like walking on eggshells. If I disagree, I'm met with silence, manipulation or explosive behavior. I cry every night, heartbroken over what feels like losing a limb. I feel for my son-in-law, who I believe was wronged, and I ache for my granddaughter, torn between two homes and two very different upbringings. Most of all, I am at a loss for how to move forward.
Deep down, my instincts tell me this new relationship won't last, but I don't know how to stand by my values and still hold on to my only grandchild. How can I stay in her life without surrendering completely to my daughter's demands? -- Heartbroken Grandmother
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4. Dear Prudence,
“Sean” is my son’s former stepson. He married Sean’s mom when Sean was 6, and the same year my granddaughter was born. They got divorced when Sean was 12. Sean is 15 now. My husband and I have bent over backwards trying to stay in touch with Sean after the divorce. We called, texted, and sent gifts. We live out of state, so seeing both our grandchildren is hard.
Sean rarely responds to any calls, and his mother will not even tell us if he likes the gifts we send him, let alone make him say thank you. My son just shrugs and says that is the nature of divorce, and we are setting ourselves up for failure.
This breaks our hearts because we did our best to embrace Sean as our grandchild. He is still in our will with our other grandchildren. My husband thinks that we should stop trying so hard and step back. Sean is old enough to be able to decide if he wants a relationship with us or not. It isn’t like his mom monitors his phone, and Sean is always “busy” when we visit. He thinks we need to rewrite our will and take Sean out. I understand going through another divorce is hard, but Sean has even cut off his cousins, and those boys were as thick as thieves. What should we do? Wait? Push? Stepback? The divorce was mutual, as far as we know.
—Sean Doesn’t Say
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5. Dear Care and Feeding,
I gave birth to a baby girl a few weeks ago, and my mom has been coming to help for a full day once a week. She’s wonderful with my newborn: She changes diapers like a pro, she is great at getting her to stop crying, and she is respectful of rules that were different from when she had her kids (like the fact that babies are supposed to sleep on their backs, without blankets and stuffed animals in the crib). It’s a dream grandparent setup, really! Except for one thing. My problem is what she brings with her every time she comes over.
Every time Grandma arrives, she’s toting a box of stuff from my childhood. When we first got home from the hospital, she brought toys from when I was a toddler. Last week, it was art from the 4th grade. This week, it was photo albums from when I was a baby, and a bunch of my baby blankets. When I suggested gently that the albums of baby photos would be better off remaining at her house, she said she’d think about it.
Well, an hour later, she said, “I thought about it, and I worry that if I don’t bring them here to you, you’ll never see them again.” Which to me sounded like a threat! But the next thing she said was, “You look so tired, go take a nap,” as she removed my screaming daughter from my arms. So it’s not like I was in a position to argue.
My mother is in good health and lives alone in the four-bedroom house she raised my brother and me in. We live in a very small home with comically limited closet space (thanks, housing crisis). I can’t keep up with all the stuff she brings over. But I very much want to stay on as good of terms as humanly possible with her. So what do I do?
—Boxed In
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Initial Pinch Hits #1-10
Dec. 30th, 2025 10:56 amrfemod posting in rarefemslashexchangeThere are ten initial pinch hits and they will be due at the same time as assignments, on February 6th, 10PM PST. [Countdown] [In Your Timezone]
To claim a pinch hit, you can comment on this post (comments are screened) with your AO3 username and the pinch hit # that you want or you can reach out via email at rarefemslashexchangemod@gmail.com. While you can comment anonymously, please remember that you won't be able to get notified or see the reply.
( Pinch Hit #1 (fic): Short Term 12 (2013), Red Band Society (US TV), Degrassi the Next Generation, Roseanne (TV 1988), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth, Blossom (TV 1990), Alexa & Katie (TV), Emily Price/Victoria Sands (Animal Control) )
CLAIMED!( Pinch Hit #2 (fic, art): 1000xRESIST (Video Game), Dispatch (Video Game), Hades (Supergiant Games Video Games), Misericorde (Visual Novel), Original Work, The Haunting of Hill House - Shirley Jackson, House of the Dragon (TV), Arcane: League of Legends (Cartoon 2021) )
CLAIMED!( Pinch Hit #3 (fic): NoPixel (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF, 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs )
CLAIMED!( Pinch Hit #4 (fic, art): 魔尊也想知道 - 青色羽翼 | Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know - Cyan Wings, ゆりでなるえすぽわーる | Yuri de Naru Esupowaru | Yuri Espoir (Manga), 화산귀환 | Return of the Blossoming Blade (Webcomic) )
( Pinch Hit #5 (fic): Psychonauts (Video Games), Umineko no Naku Koro ni | When the Seagulls Cry, Dragon Ball, Tekken (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog (Archie Comics) )
( Pinch Hit #6 (fic): 전지적 독자 시점 - 싱숑 | Omniscient Reader - Sing-Shong, 내가 키운 S급들 - 근서 | S-Classes that I Raised - Geunseo, Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga, Cage of Roses (Visual Novel), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer, 恋与深空 | Love and Deepspace (Video Game) )
( Pinch Hit #7 (fic, art): The Devils Series - Joe Abercrombie, Katabasis - R. F. Kuang, The Hundred Line -Last Defense Academy- (Video Game) )
( Pinch Hit #8 (fic): Disco Elysium (Video Game), Long Live the Queen (Video Game), Galaxy Princess Zorana (Video Game), Crossover Fandom (Long Live the Queen/Galazy Princess Zorana) )
( Pinch Hit #9 (fic): Maltese Falcon - Dashiell Hammett, The Seventh Victim (1943), I Walked with a Zombie (1943), In a Lonely Place (1950), Harper (1966), Columbo, Sette note in nero | The Psychic (1977) )
( Pinch Hit #10 (fic): aoen (Band), &TEAM (Band), Dark Moon: The Grey City (Webcomic) )
To claim a pinch hit, you can comment on this post (comments are screened) with your AO3 username and the pinch hit # that you want or you can reach out via email at rarefemslashexchangemod@gmail.com. While you can comment anonymously, please remember that you won't be able to get notified or see the reply.
( Pinch Hit #1 (fic): Short Term 12 (2013), Red Band Society (US TV), Degrassi the Next Generation, Roseanne (TV 1988), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth, Blossom (TV 1990), Alexa & Katie (TV), Emily Price/Victoria Sands (Animal Control) )
CLAIMED!
CLAIMED!
CLAIMED!
( Pinch Hit #5 (fic): Psychonauts (Video Games), Umineko no Naku Koro ni | When the Seagulls Cry, Dragon Ball, Tekken (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog (Archie Comics) )
( Pinch Hit #6 (fic): 전지적 독자 시점 - 싱숑 | Omniscient Reader - Sing-Shong, 내가 키운 S급들 - 근서 | S-Classes that I Raised - Geunseo, Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga, Cage of Roses (Visual Novel), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer, 恋与深空 | Love and Deepspace (Video Game) )
( Pinch Hit #7 (fic, art): The Devils Series - Joe Abercrombie, Katabasis - R. F. Kuang, The Hundred Line -Last Defense Academy- (Video Game) )
( Pinch Hit #8 (fic): Disco Elysium (Video Game), Long Live the Queen (Video Game), Galaxy Princess Zorana (Video Game), Crossover Fandom (Long Live the Queen/Galazy Princess Zorana) )
( Pinch Hit #9 (fic): Maltese Falcon - Dashiell Hammett, The Seventh Victim (1943), I Walked with a Zombie (1943), In a Lonely Place (1950), Harper (1966), Columbo, Sette note in nero | The Psychic (1977) )
( Pinch Hit #10 (fic): aoen (Band), &TEAM (Band), Dark Moon: The Grey City (Webcomic) )
current slow reading
Dec. 30th, 2025 10:30 amthistleingrey1. In fairness to Professor Mallory, The Origins of the Irish (2013) seems well written, well researched, and well considered. I'm at 19% in epub (notes and other back matter begin at 76%), and though I don't love his handling of Niall as a hypothetical line in the sand for when people in Ireland are "Irish," he carries it through sensibly. Perhaps the IE/PIE project (2025) was merely the wrong shape and scope at the time he tackled it. He was emeritus already by 2013, and Irish has the cadences of prose built up partly from lecture material. If we may turn an archaeologist's lens briefly upon the archaeologist, simple logistics suggest that he wouldn't have had the same chances to workshop the IE/PIE material in updated form before writing up.
That said, I've zero plans to try reading In Search of the Irish Dreamtime (2016), the monograph published between them, which Mallory intended as part two to Irish. One reasonable-sounding book is plenty as rehabilitation.
2. Because the Taproot Video collective will sunset as of 31 Mar 2026, I've acquired a copy of Annie MacHale's Three-Color Pickup For Inkle Weavers (selfpub, 2021). I understand just enough to follow along, though not to implement. MacHale's explanations are straightforward, and she includes clear illustrations of the effects she describes, with examples of variations.
(Taproot's website doesn't admit to its imminent shutdown, which seems irresponsible. They've sent an email to their past customers.)
That said, I've zero plans to try reading In Search of the Irish Dreamtime (2016), the monograph published between them, which Mallory intended as part two to Irish. One reasonable-sounding book is plenty as rehabilitation.
2. Because the Taproot Video collective will sunset as of 31 Mar 2026, I've acquired a copy of Annie MacHale's Three-Color Pickup For Inkle Weavers (selfpub, 2021). I understand just enough to follow along, though not to implement. MacHale's explanations are straightforward, and she includes clear illustrations of the effects she describes, with examples of variations.
(Taproot's website doesn't admit to its imminent shutdown, which seems irresponsible. They've sent an email to their past customers.)
December 2025 Books
Dec. 30th, 2025 01:07 pmkay_brookeLast Books post of the year. I know there are still a couple days left, but after I finished my most recent book I decided to take a short break and start fresh on January 1st. No unfinished books hanging on from 2025. Also, I stopped because I reached exactly 100 books! Which was a surprise to me. The last time I had 100+ books was in 2017, and that was because a large chunk of them was Doctor Who novels, which are fast reads.
I'm not sure how I got to 100 this year. Maybe because I made it a goal to read more mystery/thriller books this year, and they are generally shorter and faster-paced than my usual science fiction and fantasy? Also I think getting into the habit of reading a little before bed every night instead of playing on my phone (as well as starting to put a dent into the stack of unread books I own) helped that along. I kind of failed at listening to many audiobooks this year compared to last year, so they're a minor contribution to the overall count. And I do count DNFs, which some people will claim is cheating, but who cares? There's no prize for reaching a certain number. I suppose if I was claiming I read 100 books and half or more of them were DNFs, you might have an argument, but I only had eight DNFs total this whole year. I have a personal rule that I need to have read at least 25% of a book before counting it; there are some DNFs I quit only a couple chapters in because I could tell from the beginning it was not for me, and those I don't count. I think there was only one book this year that fell into that category, and it is not included in any of my book posts or the overall count.
I might do awards this year? I know I said that last year and never did, but I can try again.
Previous books posts:
Books 1-9 (January)
Books 10-15 (February)
Books 16-24 (March)
Books 25-33 (April)
Books 34-41 (May)
Books 42-49 (June)
Books 50-58 (July)
Books 59-67 (August)
Books 68-89 (September/October/November)
( 90. Miranda and Caliban by Jacqueline Carey - 3 stars )
( 91. H is for Homicide by Sue Grafton - 2 stars )
( 92. Codex by Lev Grossman - 2.5 stars )
( 93. This Great Hemisphere by Mateo Askaripour - 3 stars )
( 94. Brutes by Dizz Tate - 2 stars )
( 95. Bag of Bones by Stephen King - 2 stars )
( 96. Home Before Dark by Riley Sager - 3.5 stars )
( 97. American Sherlock: Murder, Forensics, and the Birth of American CSI by Kate Winkler Dawson - 3 stars )
( 98. Memphis by Tara M. Stringfellow - 2 stars )
( 99. The Emperor's Railroad by Guy Haley - 2 stars )
( 100. The Laramie Project and The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later by The Tectonic Theater Project - 3 stars )
I'm not sure how I got to 100 this year. Maybe because I made it a goal to read more mystery/thriller books this year, and they are generally shorter and faster-paced than my usual science fiction and fantasy? Also I think getting into the habit of reading a little before bed every night instead of playing on my phone (as well as starting to put a dent into the stack of unread books I own) helped that along. I kind of failed at listening to many audiobooks this year compared to last year, so they're a minor contribution to the overall count. And I do count DNFs, which some people will claim is cheating, but who cares? There's no prize for reaching a certain number. I suppose if I was claiming I read 100 books and half or more of them were DNFs, you might have an argument, but I only had eight DNFs total this whole year. I have a personal rule that I need to have read at least 25% of a book before counting it; there are some DNFs I quit only a couple chapters in because I could tell from the beginning it was not for me, and those I don't count. I think there was only one book this year that fell into that category, and it is not included in any of my book posts or the overall count.
I might do awards this year? I know I said that last year and never did, but I can try again.
Previous books posts:
Books 1-9 (January)
Books 10-15 (February)
Books 16-24 (March)
Books 25-33 (April)
Books 34-41 (May)
Books 42-49 (June)
Books 50-58 (July)
Books 59-67 (August)
Books 68-89 (September/October/November)
( 90. Miranda and Caliban by Jacqueline Carey - 3 stars )
( 91. H is for Homicide by Sue Grafton - 2 stars )
( 92. Codex by Lev Grossman - 2.5 stars )
( 93. This Great Hemisphere by Mateo Askaripour - 3 stars )
( 94. Brutes by Dizz Tate - 2 stars )
( 95. Bag of Bones by Stephen King - 2 stars )
( 96. Home Before Dark by Riley Sager - 3.5 stars )
( 97. American Sherlock: Murder, Forensics, and the Birth of American CSI by Kate Winkler Dawson - 3 stars )
( 98. Memphis by Tara M. Stringfellow - 2 stars )
( 99. The Emperor's Railroad by Guy Haley - 2 stars )
( 100. The Laramie Project and The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later by The Tectonic Theater Project - 3 stars )
Tags:
SquidgeWorld Down
Dec. 30th, 2025 05:47 pmsquidgestatusCurrently, SquidgeWorld.org is down due to disk corruption. We're running some processes to clean up the corruption. Hope to have things up and running within the next couple of hours.
Medieval 'Cussing' in the Middle East
Dec. 30th, 2025 05:04 pmstarryeyedknight posting in little_detailsHello! I’ve got a rather niche one particularly for Arabic speakers/historians - my writing is set in the medieval crusading period, where European/Catholic individuals would often use expressions of annoyance/surprise/exasperation that are largely religious-based, such as ‘oh sweet Christ’, 'dear God', ‘Christ’s bones’, ‘Saint Jude’s eyes’ etc etc. (One can then make as crude as you like while focusing a lot around divine/saintly body parts!).
I also have a few Levantine Arab Christian characters with mixed Arab/European heritage and I'm wondering if the above sort of religious-based swearing might have been used also in the Levant (particularly if they've taken some verbal influence from their European father), or if would come across as jarring to use these more western-associated idioms in a Middle Eastern setting?
Also: I've done some research around Arabic idioms already, but it would also be great to hear of any Arabic phrases (either in Arabic or transliterated) of annoyance or surprise similar to 'oh Christ' or 'for God's sake' that might be used? (I know ‘ya Allah’ is one such phrase but I’m trying to diversify) Similarly, any other recommendations of non-religious exclamations (of the ‘damn, bugger, blast’ varieties) would be very helpful!
I also have a few Levantine Arab Christian characters with mixed Arab/European heritage and I'm wondering if the above sort of religious-based swearing might have been used also in the Levant (particularly if they've taken some verbal influence from their European father), or if would come across as jarring to use these more western-associated idioms in a Middle Eastern setting?
Also: I've done some research around Arabic idioms already, but it would also be great to hear of any Arabic phrases (either in Arabic or transliterated) of annoyance or surprise similar to 'oh Christ' or 'for God's sake' that might be used? (I know ‘ya Allah’ is one such phrase but I’m trying to diversify) Similarly, any other recommendations of non-religious exclamations (of the ‘damn, bugger, blast’ varieties) would be very helpful!
Vacation week
Dec. 30th, 2025 08:24 amsusandennisThe pool is still cold and getting colder. The fixers are due to fix but no joy yet. So no swimming. No volleyball. I should go down to the gym and use one of their machines go get my muscles going but I've discussed this with my muscles and they are not giving me a compelling reason to go. The old saw of we won't work one day just isn't cutting it. So I'm declaring it vacation week.
At the risk of jinxing it, the cats both seem back to normal. They have eaten their breakfast and Biggie's had his treats and they are both just hangin' out here in the living room instead of hiding in the closet like they have been. No red in anyone's pee and nice little Tootsie roll poops. Biggie goes back to the vet a week from Thursday.
I scored big at Value Village yesterday. I spent $25 and got all manner of soon to be creature hair. All different colors and different textures. I got one unraveled yesterday and will do some more today.
I discovered while I was out yesterday that someone tanked the temperature around here. It was really cold out. I was going to fill up the gas tank but that soon evolved in NFW. I have enough to pick up my brother at the airport next week. I'll get him to fill it :) Filling my car with gas is a chore, like emptying the dishwasher, that I just hate. For more than a handful of years at the condo, I didn't even use the dishwasher because I hated emptying it. Not filling the gas tank is a little trickier.
My 'vacation' will be interrupted today by the house cleaner. I'm perfectly ok with that.
I got a notice from Social Security about my 'salary' for this year that starts on Friday. Because they fucked me over last year, I'm getting a $500 increase this year. I'm still pissed about last year but I'm perfectly Ok with the extra scheckels. My Timber Ridge rent is going up so coverage. Next up income tax. But, I'm pretty sure I've over paid the estimated so no big bill. I will be glad to get it sorted and done, though. Next year, and the years that follow, will be easy breezy tax wise.
I think I'll go pop in a load of laundry and then get dressed.
At the risk of jinxing it, the cats both seem back to normal. They have eaten their breakfast and Biggie's had his treats and they are both just hangin' out here in the living room instead of hiding in the closet like they have been. No red in anyone's pee and nice little Tootsie roll poops. Biggie goes back to the vet a week from Thursday.
I scored big at Value Village yesterday. I spent $25 and got all manner of soon to be creature hair. All different colors and different textures. I got one unraveled yesterday and will do some more today.
I discovered while I was out yesterday that someone tanked the temperature around here. It was really cold out. I was going to fill up the gas tank but that soon evolved in NFW. I have enough to pick up my brother at the airport next week. I'll get him to fill it :) Filling my car with gas is a chore, like emptying the dishwasher, that I just hate. For more than a handful of years at the condo, I didn't even use the dishwasher because I hated emptying it. Not filling the gas tank is a little trickier.
My 'vacation' will be interrupted today by the house cleaner. I'm perfectly ok with that.
I got a notice from Social Security about my 'salary' for this year that starts on Friday. Because they fucked me over last year, I'm getting a $500 increase this year. I'm still pissed about last year but I'm perfectly Ok with the extra scheckels. My Timber Ridge rent is going up so coverage. Next up income tax. But, I'm pretty sure I've over paid the estimated so no big bill. I will be glad to get it sorted and done, though. Next year, and the years that follow, will be easy breezy tax wise.
I think I'll go pop in a load of laundry and then get dressed.